Update

On Monday night when I got home from teaching self defense, I started to upload the photos to the blog entry (I had problems on Sunday). My husband checked the voice messages and gets a "It's A, Call me as soon as you get this" the message was in that tone that you know there is not going to be good news at the end of it.

A little back story:

Ali and M were room mates through most of university, and it was through M that I met Ali. M and P got engaged about a month after Ali and I did. I was ecstatic for them, not only for the public declaration of their commitment together - but that since they are were a gay couple that they could make this declaration. Their relationship helped me to understand why I wanted to get married (as opposed to live common law together). They had a commitment ceremony later that year (although they had to wait a couple of years for their "legal" wedding).
M and P have been great friends over the years. Hosting Christmas parties for the university crowd, helping us move (well helping Ali mostly since I wasn't around). P always had a smile on his face, and always quick to make a joke. P was a marathon runner, and ran the Boston marathon this year (his fifth time) and even though he was running in a Nor'easter had a great time and lots of fun doing it (marathon running and fun do not exist in the same sentence for me)
What no one knew besides and M was that P has been tormented by his childhood, and suffered from severe depression. (I still can't reconcile this with the P that I know).

So Monday night when Ali called our friend A, and passed the message on "P is dead, he killed himself" I was in disbelief - there is no way that I heard those words correctly. I kept waiting for more information to that the words "P is dead" didn't mean what I thought it did. I must have heard those words wrong. After sitting there for several minutes I began to realize that I had heard correctly, that those words don't mean anything else besides what I know them to mean. I went into shock.

I probably should have put a little explanation at the bottom of my post. But I couldn't think straight.

On Tuesday, we went to the visitation and saw M. He was actually handling the situation well (much better than I could imagine). Talking to M, helped me realize that P was in mental torment and had been for the entire time that M had known him. I wish he hadn't been in so much pain or that P didn't feel like he had any options on Sunday.

P was loved by many and the world lost a great friend on Sunday and will be sorely missed.